I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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