Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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