My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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