just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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