Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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