I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize