You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Buhtt sex?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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