my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
