batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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