i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
