Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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