You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
