As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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