Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
