you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
