you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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