a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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