just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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