is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
