textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
