i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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