haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
