YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
