thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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