and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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