Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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