We're like a lot better than the average bears
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
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