Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
