if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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