One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
