You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
