What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
