I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
