I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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