I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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