you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
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I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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