I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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