that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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