There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
