I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
