I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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