why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i will never coherently bang her
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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