God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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