my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
