sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
