i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
