We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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