I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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