24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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