he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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