Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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