My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
