oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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