I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
