I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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