I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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