just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
