Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
