So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
