my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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