ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
