i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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