It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
