I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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